Does sitting across from a stranger in a loud bar making small talk for 55 minutes sound like your idea of fun? Coles also says this type of date places too much pressure on both parties. It will be so much easier.”Texting or talking on the phone for a period of time can manufacture a sense of false familiarity.
“Don't just sit across the bar from each other, staring at each other thinking, ‘Is this the one? “Have your first date be something you do together. But you don’t truly know that person before you spend time together.
Dating apps are meant to be an addition to your repertoire; they are not the cure-all.
And they certainly won’t do the dirty work for you when it comes to falling in love, says Coles.
Traditional (offline) daters, or those just getting back in the game (albeit in a vastly different landscape) may be happy to hear that her biggest takeaway is a bit “old school:” Take the relationship offline as soon as possible.“Online dating is a bit like Costco, there's an enormous range of options.
You have to look for the fresh produce aisle,” says Coles.
Dating may be like driving a car, but it’s also like riding a bike: It's scary at first, but it’s not impossible to learn — and even master.
Coles insists that "Love Rules" is not just for the single millennial looking for love, but also for men and women getting back out there and re-entering the dating scene after many years.
“If you get in a car and you don’t know how to drive, and you don’t know how to signal to other cars what you want to do, then you’re going to end up in [the] hospital,” says Coles.And it's easy to become a voyeur on other people's lives, and become less of a participant in your own life,” says Coles. And if you have a bigger life there'll be more people in it.“What the book really encourages people to do is to get up and put your devices down, and get out there and have fun and connect with people. And you'll have more people to share with.”NEXT: How to use sexting to improve your marriage Want more tips like these?When conducting the research for the book, Coles was most surprised to see a central theme crop up: people were keeping their communication online for a long time before meeting in real life. While they are brilliant tools to meet new people, digital exchanges shouldn’t be used as a means to determine if someone is relationship material.“The key thing to inject the real person into it is get offline.“People will have texty, flirty exchanges without actually talking on the phone or meeting in real life. Figure out whether or not this person is someone you actually want to meet in real life,” she says. And my strongest piece of advice is do not waste your time in a lengthy text, flirty exchange with someone, which people often do, because it may turn out that you are connecting with someone online, and you have nothing in common at all.”The League, a popular dating app among millennials, recently conducted a study of 20,000 users about their dating habits and found that the average first date is 55 minutes long. But do something, so that you have something in common to talk about.Not so online - having lost its stigma, most Americans now agree it's a great way to meet a future partner!